


Grief, Interrupted

by DestinyFreeReally



Series: 100 Swan Queen Ficlets [8]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 07:46:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7039081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestinyFreeReally/pseuds/DestinyFreeReally
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>what if emma had gotten the chance to have that "delicate" conversation with regina in private? how delicate....</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grief, Interrupted

     " _What_ can't  _wait_ , Emma? I'm trying to  _grieve_ here I know you're the only one allowed." Regina had been brave-facing it all day. She was  _tired_ and  _angry_ , and if she couldn't be herself with Emma Swan, who did she have left?  
  
     "I know... I know. And Regina... I'm... you know I'm sorry. This should've never happened." Emma's pain had crept in dull and swept over her, but she knew Regina had a different experience. Everything was kindling to her, waiting for a dangerous, tiny spark. She trusted Regina to keep that fire in check, she knew she could, but with everything that had happened, everything that was happening now... Robin a casualty of a battle none of them should've ever been in.... Emma felt responsible and guilty  _again_ and guilty still for having Hook now where Regina would be alone. Well, not alone. Regina would have her.   
  
     The air in Granny's back room was too stiff... too stale. Too suffocating. Everywhere had felt like that for Regina lately. Emma usually helped but she seemed twitchy and nervous now, which didn't help anything at all.  
  
     "Well...what crushing emergency plagues Storybrooke  _right_ this minute?" Regina was almost eager for something, anything, a distraction. She'd been promised a True Love and of course, fate decided she just hadn't suffered enough yet for it. And Robin paid that price. Her happiness paid that price. She'd destroyed lives, even Emma's, the last time her heart had broken and she was stronger now... had a family, still had  _love_ , but she would never been  _good enough_ for the whole package. Villains didn't get happy endings. Something inside her felt threatened by that idea. If she was still a villain, determined to be miserable, why shouldn't she at least have fun with destruction? But she'd lose  _everything_ then.  
  
     "Not...an emergency exactly. Um, like I said... _delicate..._ which by delicate I kind of maybe mean...awkward?" Emma's brow quirked up, unsure all of a sudden about  _so much_. Everything. "Turns out... Hook's... _alive?"_ Emma was sure she'd be happy after she was done hurting for Regina and feeling uneasy. Emma was  _positive_ Hook loved her..and she'd gone to Hell to save him. She'd brought her family into Hell for him. What was that if not love? But right now all she felt was dread and pain and guilt,  _sorry_ for Regina more than she could handle. She reached a hand for Regina, who had yet to react.   
  
     "You're  _joking."_ Dry voice helped her mask shock and _anger._ Anger at the whole world, at the unfairness, at  _Emma_ even. Even if that wasn't fair. But wasn't it? "Tell me you're joking."   
   
     Emma heard the Evil Queen at bay, heard the pain behind anguish in Regina's voice. And that's what it was about, wasn't it? Pain? Who hurt who and who hurt more? Hadn't Regina hurt enough?  
  
     "Regina.. I... I don't even know what to say, I just.. thought you should know." That still-feeling of uncertainty held it's grip. Regina's eyes looked dark and void of forgiveness she wasn't sure she could muster. Even for Emma.   
  
     "You thought I should know your happiness should always reign True, while mine...kept distant, temporary; every rose a thorn for me but sure  _Hook,_ he gets his chance. You know, we're not so different, me and Hook. He deserves happiness? He deserves  _you?_ Even you can't think that. Even you  _must_ know he's not worth you, not worth that fucking trip to Hell....not worth  _Robin._ But god forbid the Savior's chosen one lose that chance."  
  
     "You know what?  _Fuck off._ " Emma's temper flared for a flash of a second and she spun away on her heel. She hadn't  _wanted_ to give Regina the fight she was begging for. Anger and fights and harshness was a safe space for both of them and it always got them in trouble, especially with each other. What Regina needed was a _friend._ Just somebody to care. Emma did. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You know that, don't you? If there was a way... if there was a 'Hell' we could go to for him...."   
  
     " _Save your pity._ My misery's never been a big enough inconvenience for anyone to care anyway why should that change just because I have." Colored lips quivered for a second, she let her body have that, and then she rebounded. As she always would. "I don't...want to see him. It's.. it's too much. I'm sorry." She almost felt embarrassed. Emma was her friend, she was sure of that more than ever. And of course she didn't  _actively wish_ pain on her, but the thought of Hook...getting happiness with Emma. It was too soon. Too soon.   
  
     "I know I... we still have a lot to figure out. I don't even know how it happened." Emma admittedly truthfully. She hadn't expected to ever see Hook again. She'd said goodbye, and it'd hurt but coming home had felt...relieving. Which of course she felt guilt about. "I just wanted you to know. I want you to be  _okay."_ Emma's hand finally connected with Regina's shoulder.   
  
     The tender touch grounded her, strengthened her.  
  
     "Well. I'm not." Regina slid her back down the wall til she was sitting on the floor of the storeroom. "Mourning Daniel had been... _crushing_ and made me destructive. To everything, including myself. But now I have my son. I have my  _family."_ She offered Emma a pointed look. "But I had felt something with Robin I really hadn't realized I'd ever missed.  _Hope."_ A tear threatened to betray her so she thought of Hook. Probably reapplying eyeliner somewhere, waiting for Emma to run into his arms.   
  
    Emma knelt down to level with Regina, both noticing the closeness between them. It felt familiar. Safe, even.   
  
     "You always  _hope_ , Regina. You have to. At the risk of sounding like my mom." She let an uneasy smile escape. "Hope's what makes us human, I think."  
  
     "Lack of it made me a  _monster._ What if I forget it again?" For the first time in a long time Regina looked  _scared_ to Emma. And it made Emma want to hold her. So she did. Awkwardly at first, and then it settled into comfort. A mess of limbs and  _dare-not-spill_ tears, until Emma's nose nuzzled Regina's dark hair. Vanilla coconut shampoo-smell made Emma smile, and eventually laugh. " _What_ is so funny?" Regina could only barely stifle a sniffle. Her hands hardly touched Emma, just kept her arms in place around her shoulders.   
  
     "Nothing, I'm sorry. You deserve hope, you know." Emma's voice was quiet then, giggles satisfied and seriousness won out. She imagined a small Regina, hurt, angry, and hopeless and suddenly she understood a lot more than she had before. "You deserve happiness and love." Emma hadn't been Robin Hood's number one fan, but for Regina she'd played along. She  _was_ sad for both of them.   
  
     "Well." Regina stiffened. "Thank you." She tried to keep the edge in her voice even then, but she knew she was caught. Being...  _snuggled_ by the savior. It would have to end soon, she knew. There would still be pain. She'd still wanna punch Hook in his undoubtedly smug little face. But for now there was this. This moment. And the next. Where there was warmth and safety, and just  _this._ Hope. 


End file.
